In this final post of the summer trauma series, I want to address the abandonment, isolation, and exclusion many have endured in childhood, experiences that far outlast our youth and often shape how we relate to others, ourselves, and even God.
The Pain of Abandonment
Feelings of abandonment in childhood can come from one parent, both parents, or our caregivers. It leaves a child asking: What did I do? Why didn’t they stay? Why wasn’t I worth loving? These questions often follow us into adulthood. And they follow us as they are not fully understood and realistically integrated as they should be. These experiences were never integrated into the kind of reasonable, adult explanations we now have the capacity to understand. Instead, they remain fixed in our minds as they were first interpreted, through the limited, immature lens of a child.
As a result, for some, the pattern repeats:
- A first best friend betrays you.
- A first relationship ends without explanation.
- People who sense vulnerability, what Scripture refers to as “wolves” (Matthew 7:15), exploit it.
This creates a cycle of abandonment, isolation, and exclusion that feels impossible to escape. And as the pattern continues, so does our belief that we can trust no one.
How Trauma Shapes Our Relationships
Abandonment in childhood often leads to two unhealthy relational patterns:
- Clinging to anyone who shows attention, regardless of how they treat you.
- Running away from relationships that get too close, fearing inevitable rejection, so you sabotage it before the relationship can deepen.
Both patterns keep you isolated. Both patterns reinforce the lie that you are unworthy of love. Yet Scripture tells us the opposite:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
If we could only understand that and instead of running away toward isolation, turn to God for the comfort and healing we need.
When Trauma Pushes You Out
Some people who experience trauma are not only neglected, but they are also pushed out of family or community because of abuse, exploitation, or trafficking. They become hidden, used, and excluded. Their existence is erased in public but exploited in private.
This is not wandering. This is being cast out.
The Lost Sheep and the God Who Sees
Jesus’ parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:3–7; Matthew 18:12–14) tells of a shepherd who leaves the ninety‑nine to rescue the one who is missing. Shepherds in the ancient world were intimately aware of their flock. When a sheep repeatedly wandered, they sometimes immobilized it temporarily, binding its legs and carrying it close, so it would learn safety and trust. Shepherds where gentle in their leading, guiding and protecting of their flocks, as God is with us. God continually reminds us that He, too, wants to establish trust in Him with us through His gentle presence and in relationship with us.
But trauma survivors often ask: What if I didn’t wander? What if I was pushed out? Why didn’t God hold me close? And they do not turn back toward God’s calling.
These are honest questions. Scripture does not further add to their shame. And God welcomes these raw feelings expressed to Him. Even David cried out:
“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?” Psalm 13:1
Trauma can distort our ability to trust God. When visible humans failed us, it becomes difficult to trust an invisible God. Yet Scripture insists:
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
God’s faithfulness is not negated by human betrayal. He continues to pursue, call, and gather His wounded sheep.
Healing and Returning
Every time someone turns back toward God, even slightly, healing begins. But when still feeling the effects of trauma, trust is not automatic. Trauma creates barriers in every relationship, including with God.
Only God can transform the heart:
“I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.” Ezekiel 36:26
He never abandons, never shames, never declares you unworthy. He invites you to let Him see you, fully. Let Him bind the wounds that keep you isolated. Let Him carry you close.
“Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
You are the sheep He is searching for.
“Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
Scripture continually reminds us of God’s character and His desire to find and hold His people close. He is gentle and sacrificed his son, Jesus, just to restore your relationship with Him.
So, remember, the first steps are the hardest, but the Truth of the matter is,
Psalm 23: “He makes me lie down in green pastures… He restores my soul.”
Isaiah 40:11: “He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart.”
John 10:11: “The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”
Luke 15:4–7: When the sheep wanders, the shepherd searches until he finds it, then carries it home with joy and gladness.
Walking Out of Trauma
Turning away from past trauma is not forgetting, it is refusing to let it define your future. God brings freedom from the slavery of isolation and brokenness.
He is the Good Shepherd. And He calls His sheep by name(John 10:3). He does actively pursue the one who wanders (Luke 15:4) (or is cast out). He carries them in His arms (Isaiah 40:11). He lays down His life to protect them (John 10:11).
You can trust in His character. He does not change, His love for us is eternal. He leads us, restores us, and heals us. He is the God of love, healing, and restoration.
Remembering You are Never Alone in the Wilderness
God is always with you.
But He often uses trusted human shepherds to add human comfort along the way. A healthy Christian community can walk beside you, pray with you, and help you relearn trust. You were never meant to go it alone, you were never meant to be isolated.
“Carry one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
Pray for guidance. Seek those who reflect Christ’s gentleness. Allow your heart to heal. Step out of the shadows of the past and into the eternal life God offers.
And reach out to us. We are grateful when you do. Let us take those first steps with you.
Remember: Most importantly,
God is waiting. He has always been waiting.
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